There I was again, drunk, desperate, physically and mentally sick. I had already lost my job, I had lost my marriage, I had driven most of my friends out of my life. I hated the person that I had become. I hated the person that I had been. So many bad things kept happening to me. OH MY GOD!!!!! I thought…….
I don’t need anyone!!!! I’ll just get another job waiting tables at a busy place and make plenty of money. I mean I see friends that wait tables, they make like $300 a day, I’ll get one of those jobs. Then everything will be great!!!! Ah man, I think I’ll have another drink and get that job tomorrow…..
Then I would drink myself into oblivion just like I had done so many countless days before. This is how my life was for such a long time. Years earlier I was a “social” drinker. In high school and then in college, I was part of the “party” crowd. I had a good time. I had some negative consequences as a result of my drinking. But nothing too major, so I thought. After college, I settled down a bit. Not many of those major parties. No setting out to get completely blottoed. I learned to drink in moderation, well what I thought was moderation. I enjoyed a good beer. I live in the wine country and considered myself quite well versed in my wine knowledge. I learned how to make some pretty spectacular mixed drinks. Drinking was a part of my life. This went on for a couple decades.
But somewhere in my 40’s, I started to need or want more to drink. First it was I just wanted more to drink when I had already had enough. Then it was I wanted more to drink when I had had enough and everyone else I was with were done drinking. Then it was I wanted more to drink more often. Then I just wanted more to drink even when I had no business drinking at all. I started to experience some negative consequences from my drinking again. But I drank anyway, I always justified those consequences as something or someone else’s fault.
As I kept on drinking, I started to need the drink. I didn’t realize I needed the drink at the time, I always thought I could quit anytime I wanted to. But it was always, “I’m going to stop drinking tomorrow” as I was walking (since I had already lost my driver’s license) to the liquor store to get 1 last bottle of the hard stuff.
My life was consumed by alcohol. I didn’t want anyone to know how much I was drinking. I mean….. they might make me quit. You see, part of me knew that I had become an alcoholic. But more importantly, I knew that if anyone knew how much I drank, they would call me out as an alcoholic. I also knew that if I was an alcoholic and wanted to get better, I would have to quit drinking for good. No more beer, no more wine, no more spectacular cocktails. Nothing. On top of that, no more friends to hang out with, no more parties, no more trips to the wineries. I thought my life would be over. Life would become sitting around and waiting for Wheel of Fortune to come on to highlight my day. I can’t believe that this is what I actually thought…. I was drinking so much at this point that I didn’t go to parties, I didn’t go hang out with friends, I didn’t do anything except sit around drink and watch Wheel of Fortune with a couple Dr. Phil’s in there so I could see how sick other people were.
I was so fortunate to have had just a couple people still in my life that truly cared about me. None of them knew the extent of my alcohol problem, but I suspect they knew something was wrong. I was getting more and more desperate to stop drinking. I didn’t want to ask for help, so I just kept on trying to quit on my own. I tried everything. I tried to limit the number of drinks. I tried to slowly cut back over time. I tried to change what I drank. I tried to switch to non-alcoholic beer. I tried to only drink on certain days. I tried to only drink at night. Nothing came anywhere near helping me to quit drinking. So…… I just kept on drinking. My doctor told me I should cut way back on my drinking…….. if I had only told him the truth of how much I was actually drinking……
I felt like my life was crumbling around me… and to be honest it was. Then for some reason, I still don’t know why, I told one of the few friends that I still had that I was an alcoholic. I told her that I couldn’t stop drinking. I told her that I needed help. That I had tried everything to quit and nothing worked. I didn’t want to leave to a rehab. I didn’t want to leave my home, leave my dog, leave my familiar surroundings. I was afraid. I was afraid of what rehab was all about. I was afraid of detoxing. I was afraid of what people that knew me would think of me.
I soooooo did not want to go to rehab. But my friend found me a rehab to go to, and I went. I was in detox for a few days while I was there. I was super sick. I don’t remember much of what happened those first few days. But after about 5 days I was starting to feel better. They had me on medically supervised detox with some meds that made it less painful. I survived. I got through it. And I was starting to get happier. I joined the rest of the people in the rehab and started to begin my journey into sobriety. They taught me a lot. I learned about alcoholism. I learned about myself and how alcohol had highjacked my life. They had lots of AA and NA meetings there. We saw lots of movies about addiction. I met with counselors that helped me figure out my addiction. They had many classes about how to stay sober. Many alums came to encourage us and give us advice.
But, I remember one thing they told us, they said in one of our meetings that after a year probably only 1 or 2 of us will still be sober. Whoa, only 1 or 2???? Didn’t sound too promising but I said I would definatly be 1 of those that stayed sober.
I did not have a hard time in rehab. The detox was horrible, but it would have been much worse, if I even survived, if I detoxed at home. The rest of rehab was fine, a bit boring, but it gave me many tools that I still use today in my sobriety.
One of the things they worked with us on was what we would do when we got out of rehab. I mean it’s easy to not drink when your in rehab…. they have no booze there. But what do we do when we get out? Well they gave us many ideas on what to do to stay away from the drink. They helped us come up with a plan on what we were specifically going to do when we got out. I had a plan on what I was going to do when I got out of rehab.
But there was a problem…… when I got out of rehab, I did not follow my plan of action. Maybe I wasn’t ready to quit, maybe I should have stayed in rehab longer, maybe my plan of action was the wrong plan, or maybe rehab doesn’t work.
Whatever the cause, I started drinking again. Within 2 days, I was right back to drinking the same amount or even more then I was drinking before rehab. I drank super heavily for about another month and then I quit, cold turkey. No rehab, no doctor, no help. I just quit. It was a living hell. I ended up coming very close to death. I ended up in the ICU for more then 2 weeks. I was in very bad shape.
But eventually I woke up, literally and figuratively. I woke up to realize that all of those things I learned in rehab were necessary to put into action if I wanted to stay sober and keep on living. They taught me a lot in rehab. They told me that all the knowledge in the world about my addiction would not keep me sober. It was putting that knowledge into action towards sobriety that would keep me sober. I still use the tools they gave me in rehab to stay sober. They work if you put them into action. I have to remember that my sobriety is my responsibility, no one else’s. And if I put my sobriety first, I have a good chance of staying sober.
Marcus also went to the same rehab as I did. We were there at the same time. You can find his story of rehab in our talksober library. But I’ll tell you here, his experience with rehab was much different then mine. He was consumed with fear and anxiety the entire time. He wanted to leave but knew he had to stay. He managed to make it through, he developed his own game plan for his sobriety and did it when he got out. He did not pick up a drink after rehab, he’s still sober today.
So rehab worked for Marcus and it did eventually work for me.
Maybe you are wondering if rehab is right for you? It’s a big decision. It could be the biggest decision of your life. The first thing to do (and this can be the hardest thing to do) is go to your doctor or a doctor that specializes in substance abuse, be truthful to them, and listen to their advice.
Figure out if rehab is something you need, it was obvious for me but maybe not so obvious for you. Then you need to decide (with the help of your doctor and family) what kind of rehab is best for you, Inpatient or Outpatient.
Outpatient rehab involves daily treatment, such as therapy, counseling, or group sessions, at a clinic or facility. People who choose outpatient treatment can continue to live at home as they recover, allowing them to take care of children or family members, keep up with their jobs, and stay on track in school. Outpatient care typically costs less than inpatient rehab, but the level of support may be less intensive.
Most programs involve individual or group counseling and use a step-down approach, which means sessions become less intensive and frequent as you grow during treatment. These programs help patients overcome their alcohol dependence and then maintain their recovery over the long-term.
There are several benefits to outpatient treatment that make it the best choice for many people:
You can live in your home while receiving treatment. This works if your family and friends are a support system.
The cost of treatment is typically much lower for outpatient care compared to inpatient care.
There are many different types of counseling and therapy offered in this setting; you can choose the level of intensity of care that works best for you.
Appointments can be made in the evenings or on weekends to accommodate work schedules.
Some outpatient programs can treat patients with co-occurring problems or disorders, such as depression, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder.
However, outpatient care may not be the best choice for you if:
You experience constant urges to use. Outpatient facilities are not open round-the-clock and do not always offer 24-hour support.
You have a hard time showing up to group sessions on your own. The success of outpatient rehab depends on your ability to regularly attend and participate in sessions. If you feel that you need more structured and monitored treatment, you may want to consider an inpatient facility.
You need treatment for multiple disorders, and you need medical attention. Some outpatient programs may not be able to administer medications or offer intensive, multifaceted recovery programs for complicated addictions.
Inpatient rehab, you live at the rehab facility. Inpatient rehab can be effective for people with severe problems with drugs or alcohol, and especially people who are dealing with other mental health conditions. Living at the rehab program facility helps you avoid the temptations and influences in your daily life that trigger your substance use. Living in a healthy environment supports your recovery.
Licensed inpatient facilities offer 24-hour support and intensive care. They incorporate three phases of recovery into their treatment plans: detox, reflection, and growth. They are focused on helping patients learn to adopt drug- or alcohol-free lifestyles after treatment. Many of these programs involve a step-down approach to help patients transition from inpatient care to individual or group counseling outside of the facility.
There are both short-term and long-term residential rehab programs. Patients typically stay at long-term residential facilities from six months to a year, while short-term facilities require stays of about three to six weeks.
Inpatient rehab centers offer several benefits that make them the best option for some people:
Both short-term and long-term inpatient rehab programs are designed to help you with detoxification and prepare you for life after treatment.
Residential facilities provide care 24 hours a day, usually in nonhospital settings. You are never alone while working to overcome your addiction.
Treatment is highly structured and focuses on all aspects of addiction. This might include social factors — such as relationships and lifestyle — and psychological factors related to your personal history and situation.
Safe housing and medical attention are available 24 hours a day. This is especially important for patients with severe problems that may be complicated by other mental health conditions or disorders.
Residential or inpatient rehab requires a larger commitment than outpatient programs do. Keep in mind these tips when deciding which alcohol rehab program may work for you:
Inpatient rehab requires you to separate from your daily life. This means that you might have to find care for your children or family members. You’ll most likely have to take leave from your job or school while you are in a facility.
Treatment is highly structured and can be challenging. Your schedule will be decided for you by the staff. Some people find it can be difficult to transition to the rigid agenda and the intensity of treatment that make inpatient care effective.
Costs are often higher for inpatient rehab compared to outpatient rehab. It’s important to remember that the cost of treatment is always less than the cost of addiction.
It’s a difficult decision to go to a rehab. For me, I thought it meant giving up control of my life, but in reality it meant taking away alcohol’s control over me. I know many people that have had to go to an inpatient rehab multiple times. But I also know many many more that have gone just once and not only stayed sober but have gone on to live a wonderful life.
You have to decide for yourself if rehab is right for you. But be openminded, listen to your doctor, listen to your family, listen to counselors, these people want to help you. Your sobriety does come down to you. If you don’t want to get sober, nothing will get you sober in the long run, not even rehab. But if you genuinely want lasting sobriety, rehab may be the best route to take to start your journey of sobriety.
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What the hell’s the matter with you, you stupid drunk?
Don’t worry about it man I still love you. You know that.
Do you know how much perfectly good money I blow on your freaking alcohol?
Well you know we do all love you in this family, and we really want you to get better. We’re just really tired of you being a piece of shit.
You’re not even going to believe what your mom said to me. That stupid piece of trash she’s got another boyfriend, she’s running around. I got to pay her alimony and this shit.
Well you know, I do want the best for your mother. We really do care. We love you, we just want best for us in the end. Everything’s about me.
You’re the one who’s the fucking drunk.
If you haven’t guessed it by now we are talking about toxic families, dysfunctional families, and the things that keep you stuck in alcoholism. Depression, in a cycle of endless bullshit, and we’re starting right now.
Hey guys, I’m Marcus and welcome back to TalkSober.com. If you’re new here and you want help with alcohol addiction, and with toxic families, and everything like that, metal health, go ahead and click that subscribe button right now, and click the little bell notification icon so you get all the new videos that I come out when I release them, and you get notifications when we go live and have online meeting lecture thingies about how you can stay sober.
Today what we’re doing is we’re talking about the dysfunctional family and the toxic family. So first of all let’s determine if you do in fact have a toxic family. When you’re dealing with toxic families, which is something that I’ve dealt for many years in my entire life, it’s very important to remember that this is the family you usually grow up with. So you’re kind of indoctrinate, almost like you’re living in a cult.
What happens here is kind of like the allegory of the cave. I think it was Plato who had the allegory of the cave. The allegory says that there’s a dude that’s sitting here. There’s all these prisoners, and all these prisoners are sitting here. I’m going to try to draw these prisoners as good as I can. These are all the prisoners, and they’re in their seats, and they’re all chained and locked into this cave. There’s this cave thing here, and they’re in this cave, and there’s this cave wall over here.
Now over here there’s like this bridge. There’s this bridge thing. Now these prisoners can’t turn around. They can’t do anything. There’s this bridge here, and the sunlight comes in over here. So there’s like a reflection. The reflection goes on to the wall.
Kind of interesting here. You might be thinking, well Marcus what are you talking about? How does this have to do with alcoholism, and dysfunctional families, and toxic family members, and toxic relationships?
Well what it has to do with is the fact that you are kind of like these prisoners. You’re sitting here, and you’re looking at what the sun projects on this cave. Now these prisoners don’t know anything else about life. They’ve been chained here their whole life, and what they see is people walking by, and certain things going by, and shadows. They think the shadow is reality. They think that their perception is reality.
Now when we grow up in dysfunctional families, and toxic families, and things like that you’re much like these people, only you’re free to move about the cabin. We look at it and we say, well am I looking at something, am I looking at a projection of something thinking it’s normal, because these guys think it’s normal. They think everything exists in shadow, and you might be thinking that your family is normal, and every family is like this, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
I’ll never forget the time a friend of mine came to me, I was about 19 years old and he came to me and he says, “Marcus, your family is pretty messed up. Families aren’t like this, families don’t treat each other like this. There’s something wrong.” To me I told him, “Well you’re crazy. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” That’s because I was looking at the shadow of the image instead of looking at what’s really going on here. We got to take a look at what’s really going on here.
First of all let’s talk about the dysfunctional family and the toxic family. What you want to do is you want to ask yourself, how do I feel when I’m around them? Do I feel bad? Do I feel disgusted? Do I feel wrong? Do I feel downcast, or depressed? Do I leave them thinking that I’m the one with the problem?
Often times what happens is you have toxic family members that are narcissistic, and they like to put everything on everyone else. Because to the toxic family it’s never their fault. I got uncles, and people that are just complete assholes, but it’s never their fault. They never take blame for anything. So we got to look at this and say, how is this effecting us? Because these are the things that keep us stuck. So we got to say, how do I feel when I’m around them?
How do I feel when I have to go see them? Is it a chore, is it something I don’t want to do? Do I feel like I got to do it out of obligation?
Well you don’t. You just feel that way, because you’ve been chained here. Been told what to think, what to feel, what to agree with. Now if you look at my family, we’re kind of an extreme case, not as bad as some, but a lot worst than others. We look at it and it’s almost like I grew up in my own little isolated cult. It’s like when you go into a cult and you get indoctrinated with thoughts, and you get brain washed with thoughts, and all these things happen in your mind, and you can’t see a way out because you’ve never seen a way in.
What we got to do is we got to look at that. Now the problem with a toxic family is they want to unload on you. What happens here is you have someone up here. This is, let’s call it our alcoholic. This might be you, and you’re struggling with alcoholism, you’re struggling things. Every little thing, every trigger is going to send you back to drinking, because you don’t know a better way.
Now in these videos we’re going to teach you a better way. Which is why you want to make sure you subscribe, but they don’t know a better way. Now with a toxic family you have these toxic members. Now all of these family members are as if you are the adult. So the parents act like the child is the adult. In my case they come to me, they come to my brothers, and stuff like that. What they do is they come to you, we’re going to draw them here with these big opened up mouths like this. So here they are with their mouths open.
What they do is they spew throw up, bullshit all over our poor addicted person, and they don’t know what to do. So they go to the family, they get all this bullshit just spewed all over them. Do you know what this guy did? Do you what that guy did? Do you know how much perfectly good money I owe you? Do you know what’s wrong with you?
Why can’t you get help? Do you know what your mom did? Do you know what your sister did? Do you know what your brother did? Barf, barf, barf all over your head, all over your mind.
Now this is toxic, that’s why we call it toxic relationships. Because, what they’re doing is they’re unleashing everything on you so that they can feel better. Which is completely insanely sick, and should be punishable by law, but it’s not so we have to figure out a way around it. They go and they throw up all their problems on you.
Then what happens with you is you don’t know what to do with it. You say, here I am I’ve got this toxic stuff all over me. What do I do? How do I deal with it? You say, well you know mom’s got this problem with Ted, and Dad’s got this problem with money, and Bob’s got this problem with this, and Sally, and Sue, and Jane have these problems with this stuff. You are now loading it on your head and you don’t know what to do, because you feel like you have to fix them. You feel like you have to fix them, because it’s a dysfunctional toxic relationship where they made you feel that way because they never grew up.
Unfortunately in so many cases, as with mine and many people I know, this poor person who is stuck in addiction, and it’s not like there’s no fault of this person. We got our own fault, and we got to learn to own it, but this person learned to grow up either. They never learned to deal with problems on their own. What happens is it leads them to the drink. That’s pretty big drink, but sometimes that’s how you feel after you get done talking to these people. You feel like you have to solve things, you feel like you have to do stuff, but here’s the secret.
The secret is toxic people can’t be fixed. You’re not going to fix them. Chances are your entire life you’ve been trying to fix them, you’ve been trying to do something about them, and nothings getting anywhere. You might make a little step forward or feel like it, but chances are it’s just part of the toxicity, part of the narcissism, part of the junk that they just can’t let go, and maybe it feels better for a second.
Secondly, they don’t want help. I’m talking some of my family members now. We have my brother who’s going through all this stuff, and some of the people just don’t want to stop what they’re doing. They’re like, I don’t want to stop drinking, it’s not my fucking problem. I can’t judge anyone, but from the outside it looks like they have a little bit of a problem.
We look at this and we say, well they don’t want help, they can’t be fixed, they are looking for every opportunity to spew all over you. Why? Because misery love company, and they have trained you to be in the grips of their junk. So what is the thing here? How is the helping? What’s going on?
First of all, you need to realize what’s going on, because the first thing we got to take these chains off of you, we got to turn you around and say look up at the bridge at all these fricking people that are messing your life up. All right? Then we have to take responsibility for where we are right now. Maybe you’re my age 30 something, I won’t let the cat out of the bag there, or maybe you’re older, or younger and you’ve been dealing with this, and you’ve been struggling with it. You got to turn around and you got to look at it and say, these people are sick, they have a problem, and we need to get away.
We got to get away. Now why do we have to get away? Because when you go through this stuff, and when you’re in a family, and when you’re indoctrinated in this, it’s much like a cult. If you were to go to a cult, and there’s a guy in a cult, and he’s sitting there, and he’s getting fed all this doctrine about bullshit. What’s happening is they can not get well unless they get away. Now it doesn’t mean that you hate people, it doesn’t mean you hate your family, it doesn’t mean you’re an evil person.
As much as they’re going to spew this all over you saying that is the case, it’s absolutely not the case. You are the sane one, you are the one that is making a change, you’re the one that’s going to break the mold, and hopefully maybe your actions will change them, but that’s not your job. Your job is not to fix or change anyone, but yourself.
The first way you’re going to do it is to get away and understand what’s going on. Get away and look at all the ways.
Hey maybe this stuff isn’t good for me. Get away, because once you get away and you run out of this cave, and you say well wait a minute there’s this whole world out there with rainbows, and butterflies. I’m going to draw a butterfly there, there’s my butterfly. Rainbows, and butterflies, and sunshine, because up until then you didn’t see the sunshine. Clouds, and rain, and happiness, and people, and everything like that. You might even find people that are actually genuinely good people, like most people that love everyone, and love you, and everything like that.
What we got to do is we got to isolate from the dysfunction. Now I’m not saying isolate all together and go live in a misery of woes or whatever we call it. What I’m saying is get away to somewhere healthy. Find some new friends, and some new people out there that love, because chances are there’s probably other family members in this group that got away the same thing. Now you were probably told that they were assholes, and they were wrong. My family called them the fucking atheist, and the terrible guy, and whatever. They got away and they have good families, and they have good things, and they’re good people.
The fact of the matter is, is you’ve been conditioned by this stuff so long, and it’s time to be free. You can look at it two different ways. You could look at it as depressing, saying this is so bad, this is whatever, and that’s what toxicity makes you do. It wants you to go to the sad. Or, you can look at it as the most liberating thing in the world, saying I have escaped this cult, and now I can be free to be me, and get good help for my addiction, because this is keeping me stuck. You have to look at your life, and you have to evaluate who and what is keeping you stuck, and how to get away from it, because sometimes unfortunately when you’re dealing with toxic people and people that have issues.
Sick be gets sick. Sick people have sick people, stuck people have stuck people, hurt people hurt people. We look at this and we say, for whatever reason these people are like this. I don’t need to judge them, I don’t need to talk shit about them, I don’t need to do anything. All I need to do is understand what’s going on, get away from it long enough for me to get help. Long enough for me, because this is about you, this is about your addiction, this is about you getting help.
We got to look at it and say, I can’t go back because every time you go back you’re going to get spewed on. One phone call you’re going to get spewed on, one little issue you’re going to get spewed on. We have to look at this and we have to say, I got to get to a world that is better than this. I need to get outside and I need to work on myself.
A lot of times in addiction they say that you need to be selfish and work on yourself. Then on the hand they say, well you’ve been selfish long enough. Well here’s the fact of the matter, and who gives a hell, who gives a fuck what it is.
Who cares if it’s selfish, who cares what it is. The fact of the matter is you are going to get well, and all the other stuff is going to be by the waist side, because you getting well is going to help you understand all this. Because if you look at it like a cult, or like a mind control thing, people react in extreme situations with extreme responses.
You are not the person you are meant to be in this bubble of shit. I don’t know what a bubble of shit looks like, I don’t think I want to. But, we look at it and we say, I’m not that person. I’m not that person, I am reacting under extreme circumstances. It’s time to get well.
Often times in recovery we find ourselves again. We understand who we’ve been all along and who’s been clouded by all of this junk. What we got to do is we got to look at that, and we have to get away, and we have to understand who is toxic and who is not. Chances are it’s probably best to get away and figure that out, and say well does this person have my back, is this person just looking in, and notice how you feel. Your feelings will tell you a lot, and your feelings are the things that is probably telling you to go drink, because you don’t know a better way.
We’re going to give you a better way, and we’re going to show you how to do this, but first get away from the toxicity and start to notice how you feel even when you think of people. You might think of mom and say what about mom?
How do I feel when I go see her? Do I feel down, depressed, disgusted? What about dad? Do I feel like I need to engage and gossip about everyone else? What about Sam? Do I need to feel like I owe him money, and feel all uptight, and shitty? Are they spewing stuff on me? Notice how you feel around these people, because your feelings are guided by this stuff, and it’s making you stuck. You’re going to learn to feel a better way.
Someone told me when I was in recovery in the beginning stages, you don’t have to feel this way anymore. You have the choice. You don’t have to feel any of this stuff anymore. You don’t need to the weight of your family, and the weight of your loved ones, or the weight of your spouse, or the weight of whatever on you anymore. You don’t have to feel this way. This could be the last day, the last minute, the last second that you have to feel this way.
You can start feeling better right now. What you got to do is you have to realize that this is going on. You have to free yourself and say I’m going to be okay. Then sometimes inevitably we do have to talk to people, you can be away from it. Like just this week I went and talked to my family, and the toxic stuff happened. Oh this, this, junk, junk, junk. I said, you know what this is what I’m doing. I’m here to help my brother get sober, I’m here to deal with this issue.
You guys could talk about whatever you want, but this is what I’m doing.
What it does is it pisses some people off, because they don’t like to see healthy people, because they don’t know how to get there, and whatever reason. Misery loves company, whatever. The fact of the matter is you are in charge of what you do. You are in charge of who you hang around and how that makes you feel.
What we’re going to do is we’re going to get out of here. We’re going to start to make you understand this. I want you to take a look at your life, I want you to take a look at the people in your life, and I want you to say who’s throwing up on me, and who wants me to be the best version of myself possible. Sometimes work is related, sometimes business is related, sometimes people are taking care of you, sometimes you’ve gotten yourself in a big mess with the very people who are keeping you stuck. What you got to do is you got to separate.
You got to separate, and you got to separate yourself from the person you’ve become, through alcohol and through all this stuff. You got to separate and say, that’s not me. I am not the sum of my thoughts, I am not the sum of my actions, I’m not the sum of the things I think, and I’m not the sum of the things I say. I am something more than that.
Now what’s been happening is the things that I do, the things I say, and the things I think have been controlled, because I have only seen life inside this cave that is my family. This cave is keeping you stuck, because all you see is the images on the wall. All you see is the images on the wall. You see these people that are causing you pain, and they throw up all their junk all over you, and you have nothing left to do. You feel drained, you feel downtrodden, you feel depressed, and you feel like there’s no hope.
I want to tell you there’s hope, and it’s very simple to see. All we got to do is get you outside the bubble, and start to see what’s really going on here. Start to see how this works. It’s not about looking at it and saying, oh this guys bad and terrible. You just say, you know what that’s how I feel around that person, and I don’t want to feel that way anymore. Doesn’t mean I don’t love them, doesn’t mean I hate them, doesn’t mean I’m an asshole. Even if they say it, it doesn’t mean it. What I’m doing is focusing on how I need to feel to get sober.
What I want you to do is I want you to focus on how you need to feel to get sober. Now I realize this is a big chunky video that has lots of stuff in it. There’s going to be lots of questions, there’s going to be lots of things. What I want you to do is I want you to put your questions in the comments below. We’re going to have a video series about how to deal with family, and I’m going to bring in some real world examples of how I’m dealing with this right now, because there’s a lot of issues going on. There’s a lot of things going on, and it’s very easy to just say fuck it let’s stay stuck. It’s very easy to do it. It’s very easy to go back to someone who acts like they’re your friend and they’re not really.
They’re not really. A friend wouldn’t want you to be stuck, a friend wouldn’t throw up all this junk on your head. A friend is there to support you as much as you support them. Maybe right now you don’t have a lot to support them with, not financially, but emotionally. Maybe you don’t have that. You need to find someone who’s got it even in the absence of yours, because there are people out there, and there are people that love you, and you got to focus on it. Even if it’s me.
Write some stuff, we’ll make some videos for you, and we’ll help you out. We got to get you out of this cave, because as Plato pointed out these people are looking at the images on the wall, and the images are not reality. The images are distorted by living in a cave so long. Your images, and your thoughts, and your feelings, and everything have been distorted by living in the cave where you’re getting all this shit, and there’s all this shit being thrown on you. What you got to do is you got to get away.
Whether it’s a solitude corner in the house, whether it’s going 9 million miles away. I don’t even know if you could do that. That’d be like some weird star, or planet, or something with the aliens, but we need to get you away to where you can be in solitude in your mind, and you could say Lord help me, or whoever you pray to. It doesn’t matter, but God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change. I can’t change these people. I got to accept this as it is. Doesn’t mean I need to accept Joe and take his shit, doesn’t mean I need to accept whatever and take her shit, or mom and dad and take her shit. It just means you accept them as they are.
I can’t change them. Accept them as they are. That’s what I get. That’s the hand I was dealt. Then you got to say, give me the courage to change the things I can. What can I change? Right now I can change me. I can change my perception, I can get out, I can stop drinking, I can get the help I need. Whether that’s rehab, whether that’s detoxing, whether it’s reading things, whether it’s watching every single video I have on my YouTube channel over, and over, and over again until you learn to get sober. Again, see a doctor. Anyway. I’m not a doctor, or trained person, or anything like that. I just know what worked for me, and I hope that it works for you as well.
We look at that and we say, I can’t change these people, all I can do is get better for myself. You know what? That’s the best gift you could ever give these people in the entire world, is you getting healthy, because when you get healthy that’s all that matters. Then you can do other stuff and help other people as well.
I hope you enjoyed this video, and I really want to tell you from the bottom of my heart, I feel for you. I know how hard it is to deal with this stuff, and I know how hard it is to deal with it and addiction. I know one phone call back then could’ve taken me to the bar. You might as well … My family might as well of picked me up and took me to the bar when they talked to me. It’s not necessarily their fault, I’m in charge of my drinking, but this is what’s going on. You’ve been blinded, get out. Start to understand what is on the other side of the cave, because you’ve been indoctrinated, and realize that it doesn’t mean your bad if you don’t take people’s shit. It just means you’re getting well.
I hope you are getting well, and I hope you do overcome your alcoholism no matter what it takes. I look forward to seeing your comments on this video. Kind of a heavy topic so put your comments there. I do read the comments. Every single one of them as I can. Let’s get sober together. Let’s get well, let’s start to understand that you can start a brand new life right now, and this is the last day you ever have to feel like this. Thanks again for watching this. Make sure you subscribe for the next videos. I look forward to reading your comments, and I’ll see you in the next video.