0:02
I remember it like it was yesterday it
0:05
was 2012 and I had just had one of the
0:08
major scares of my drinking
0:11
we’re always in vegas conducting a
0:13
business meeting and because of my
0:15
drinking and I ended up having a pretty
0:17
nasty fall
0:19
I fell and hurt myself and everything
0:21
like that and I remember coming back
0:22
from that meeting and I said you know
0:24
what something’s gotta change I’ve got
0:26
to start to get sober so I decided that
0:28
I go see a therapist and chalk out all
0:31
my bad memories and deal with all this
0:34
stuff that’s plaguing me and I went to
0:36
this therapist and she had told me that
0:39
one of my issues was that I had anxiety
0:42
now up until this point I always had a
0:45
feeling in my body but I never knew what
0:47
it was and until the minute that she
0:49
actually told me you have anxiety i
0:52
never really dealt with it in a way like
0:55
it was about to happen right because
0:58
what she labeled the word anxiety i was
1:01
off to the races i walked out of her
1:02
office quivery and shaky because this
1:05
thing called anxiety has now become a
1:07
real big thing in my life that was like
1:11
what was this little thing that was
1:12
kinda off to the side had now become
1:14
this monster that was overtaking me
1:17
hi there i’m marcus and welcome to talk
1:20
sober dot-com and if you haven’t guessed
1:23
it
1:24
today’s talk is going to be about
1:25
anxiety and alcohol
1:28
we’re going to talk all about alcohol
1:30
and anxiety how they go hand-in-hand how
1:33
one works with the other and how you
1:35
could finally deal with anxiety in a
1:38
real-world way now this is something
1:40
that I had to learn with over four years
1:42
of dealing with this right for years
1:44
from the time she named it to today and
1:48
I dealt with anxiety while I was
1:49
drinking while I was not drinking all
1:52
the time right and all these therapists
1:54
and all these books and everything told
1:56
me different ways to deal with anxiety
1:58
but I found something that actually
2:00
works and i’m gonna share that with you
2:02
now so in this video I’ll go over to the
2:04
whiteboard since we like to write things
2:07
down what we’re going to do is we’re
2:08
gonna talk about number one alcohol and
2:10
anxiety
2:11
we’re going to talk about can alcohol
2:13
and does
2:14
alcohol create anxiety we’re going to
2:17
talk about anxiety and alcohol abuse
2:19
alcohol depression and anxiety alcohol
2:23
induced anxiety and all those things so
2:26
let’s go ahead and write and anxiety
2:29
right at all funny because anxiety area
2:39
I’ll spell it right ok so we have
2:40
anxiety here what we’re going to do is
2:42
we talk about this now what is anxiety
2:43
anxiety is a feeling of discomfort in
2:47
your body like something is going to
2:48
happen it’s at jittery feeling you get
2:51
like right before you’re about to give a
2:52
speech or right before you’re nervous to
2:55
tell someone something or that feeling
2:58
you get after you drank when you wake up
3:00
and you don’t know what you did the
3:02
night before and youre just delivery and
3:04
wondering what’s going on
3:05
ok now what happens here is anxiety on
3:08
its own is a very very common thing lots
3:11
of people have anxiety lots of people
3:14
deal with this i think they said the
3:16
biggest fear in the world is the fear of
3:19
public speaking which means people fear
3:21
this anxiety because that’s really the
3:22
only fear you’re anxious about what’s
3:25
going to happen okay so anxiety is about
3:28
future
3:30
ok anxieties about future anxiety is
3:34
this is going to happen i’m going to
3:36
look like an idiot
3:37
people are going to tease me i’m going
3:39
to get hurt people are going to say this
3:40
about me okay so anxiety is all in the
3:42
future which means if we’re living in
3:44
the future we’re not living right now
3:46
very important ok so we have this
3:49
anxiety now how does this have to do
3:51
with drinking now when i was first
3:53
drinking when I started drinking heavy
3:55
after that period where she said
3:57
BAM you have anxiety right she said you
4:03
have anxiety from that point i noticed
4:06
when i took a drink it was gone right i
4:12
would go into a social situation I would
4:14
go somewhere and nervously or I’d
4:16
usually be anxious i would go into a
4:19
business meeting where I was supposed to
4:20
talk and act like i knew what i was
4:21
talking about and usually I da
4:24
chess but I knew if I had a few drinks
4:27
in me the anxiety just kind of
4:29
disappeared it did went away right now
4:33
other effects happen like I became quite
4:36
an ass i became a drunk and things like
4:41
this now what happened was like in the
4:43
other video where we are training our
4:45
brain right our brain is learning it
4:49
says hey I’m anxiety I don’t like this i
4:52
got anxiety i drink and the anxiety is
4:55
gone
4:56
this goes to the brain and says ding
4:58
ding we have a solution we have a
5:01
solution so every time you get anxiety
5:04
your brain said Bingbing here’s a
5:07
solution go drink right and over and
5:10
over and over again now over time
5:13
once you have drink number one ranked
5:16
number two during number three and over
5:19
and over again every time you have this
5:21
to relieve I can’t spell anxiety right
5:28
your brain is learning this now what
5:30
happens is over time just like any
5:32
substance your body gets immune to it
5:39
ok so your body is now getting immune to
5:43
the anxiety that’s why you’re like okay
5:46
well beginning I had three drinks and I
5:48
was fine i talk like a king everything
5:50
but now you know what it takes me six or
5:56
nine or twelve or worse
5:59
it stopped working this is the dangerous
6:03
part because when it stops working
6:06
what’s happening is all this stuff is
6:08
building up in your body all this is
6:11
building up right it’s all the
6:12
counteractive anxiety stuff it’s trying
6:15
to kill the anxiety but when it stops
6:18
working all you are left with is anxiety
6:22
and no relief i remember is so bad
6:30
sometimes I couldn’t even sit at the
6:32
edge of the functions for the school for
6:34
my kids when they’re getting Awards I
6:35
couldn’t even go to that stuff because I
6:37
was
6:38
Oh inches i couldn’t even sit still
6:40
there is one time my wife asked me to go
6:42
for a walk in our neighborhood which had
6:45
walked through four years right and she
6:47
said go for a walk I couldn’t even make
6:49
it to the end of our coldest ack without
6:52
collapsing and going back home and being
6:53
just a complete mess and having to go
6:56
back to drinking which wasn’t even
6:57
working
6:58
it didn’t even work right so what’s
7:01
happening here is you now have anxiety
7:04
and no relief right because this anxiety
7:06
is building up you trained it to go down
7:09
with the drinking and now you’re stuck
7:11
with just anxiety so what is the answer
7:15
here
7:15
well first of all what has happened is
7:18
this whole thing has reversed on you
7:21
ok instead of anxiety and drinking being
7:25
the relief and the big cycle drink
7:28
relief drink
7:29
really now the the drinking is actually
7:33
causing the anxiety because there’s no
7:37
mellow out stuff left in your brain and
7:40
in your body right all the mellow out
7:41
stuff has been killed and now you’re
7:43
just stuck with anxiety believe me I’ve
7:45
been there it ended me up in a mental
7:47
ward was not fun
7:49
so what’s the question here well number
7:51
one number one you have to realize that
7:55
alcohol gotta get on my tippy-toes here
7:58
causes so the very thing that you think
8:03
is helping with written with your
8:05
anxiety is actually causing your anxiety
8:09
right
8:10
your Cure has become your worst
8:12
nightmare because now it is actually
8:14
causing the anxiety and now because your
8:18
brain says yay i still think alcohol
8:21
works right
8:23
what’s happening is your brain is now
8:26
producing this anxiety and all you have
8:28
is anxiety there is no relief
8:31
ok so this is what’s going on here i
8:34
want you to realize can alcohol cause
8:37
anxiety
8:37
yes it is actually causing the anxiety
8:40
by dampening the natural things that go
8:44
against anxiety right the natural things
8:47
that calm you down are now gone because
8:49
it says what
8:50
don’t need that anymore because I got
8:52
this alcohol and it works and it works
8:53
and it works and it works until it
8:54
doesn’t
8:55
ok so cannot alcohol cause anxiety yes
8:58
and chances are it probably is now what
9:02
is the key because when i first had this
9:05
anxiety when i first got out of that
9:07
therapists office all Wiggly and crazy i
9:10
didn’t know what to do i thought i had
9:12
to fight right wheel in this culture
9:16
that says fight for the stuff you want
9:19
fight for the things you need you gotta
9:20
get out there fight fight fight fight
9:22
fight right so i would sit there and I’d
9:25
be anxious and I got the whole world was
9:27
watching me
9:28
ok i was completely anxious and crazy
9:30
and go nuts
9:31
alright and i thought i had to fight it
9:33
so I sit there and I fight it right but
9:36
what I realized is what does this come
9:38
from
9:39
ok i’ll tell you a little story back
9:42
when I was trying to first get sober I
9:44
had this counselor that I found online
9:46
and she came to me and she said Marcus
9:49
you are a control freak and to meet hit
9:53
me kind of blindsided because I said you
9:55
know here in my my my wife’s a control
9:57
freak everyone else in my life is a
9:59
control freak but not me i’m mr. meek
10:01
and mild passive guy i am not a control
10:05
freak
10:05
ok and so she said this to me and it
10:08
kinda you know it kind of threw me off
10:09
base because I was like okay well what’s
10:12
the deal and then I started to learn
10:13
that the meek and mild stuff that I was
10:15
pretending was actually part of being a
10:19
control freak right you can control with
10:21
manipulation with the way that you talk
10:24
with persuasiveness all these things can
10:26
be a control freak you don’t have to be
10:28
the yelling crazy person that I thought
10:30
a control freak was so here I am i think
10:34
i have to fight and I realized that the
10:36
reason I told you that story that
10:37
anxiety is about control right you’re
10:47
sitting there you’re nervous
10:49
there’s 300 people all around you think
10:51
they’re all looking at you think they’ll
10:53
care what you’re thinking and you think
10:54
that they know you have anxiety but they
10:55
don’t and you are creating this anxiety
10:59
and fighting these things
11:01
piety as a way to control your situation
11:04
I think about this firm and anxiety is
11:07
about control this is your way of
11:10
controlling the situation
11:12
ok and you think well you know this
11:13
anxiety I can’t get rid of it
11:15
I gotta fight it in the best way to
11:17
fight it is drinking but the drinking is
11:20
now causing anxiety
11:23
ok and we look at this and say well
11:26
what’s the secret right we can’t drink
11:28
anymore because it doesn’t work and even
11:30
if it is still working it’s going to end
11:32
up to where it’s actually causing the
11:33
anxiety so we try fighting but we
11:37
realize that fighting is not working it
11:39
just makes it worse right how many times
11:41
have you been in a place you’ve been
11:42
anxious you try to fight its this cycle
11:44
of just you can’t even focus because
11:46
it’s all there and it’s all making you
11:48
jittery and crazy and it’s all you could
11:51
think about it’s like you might as well
11:52
not even be in the place you’re at when
11:54
you’re anxious because you’re not really
11:56
there anyway
11:57
now there’s a secret there’s a secret
11:59
that I learned in over four years of
12:02
dealing with this stuff and the secret
12:04
the secret is it is not real plain and
12:17
simple
12:18
anxiety is not real it’s just something
12:25
it’s a chemical impulse in your body
12:27
that tells you something bad is going to
12:30
happen and you need to be on guard but
12:32
it’s not real
12:34
ninety-nine percent of our anxiety is
12:38
social situation all or chemical okay
12:49
well it’s all chemical but so so right
12:52
are we afraid of the social situation is
12:54
someone better than is someone going to
12:56
fight with us do I have to argue right
12:57
it’s like that thing that you get when
12:59
someone has a different view than you
13:00
and they want to yell at you about why
13:02
your view is wrong and you get all tense
13:04
and anxious and everything like that
13:05
that would be social situation are you
13:08
anxious about your situation when I went
13:10
in rehab for 30 days i had situational
13:12
anxiety I didn’t know if these people
13:14
are going to kill me I didn’t know if I
13:16
was going to have a home when I got out
13:17
I didn’t know what was going on and I
13:19
was anxious 24 hours a day for 30 days
13:21
straight with no relief crazy all right
13:24
or chemical right it’s all chemical
13:26
because it’s all causing something in
13:28
your body now one of the things that I
13:29
struggled with was the fact that lots of
13:32
my anxiety had no like word type thought
13:36
to it right I wasn’t like i SAT there
13:39
and I went that guys probably going to
13:41
kick my butt
13:43
I’m anxious no it was just a feeling
13:44
right there is a feeling and that’s it
13:46
that’s it was just a feeling
13:48
no thoughts no words no nothing but what
13:50
I had to realize is that most of the
13:52
stuff if not all of it was not real
13:55
right
13:56
nothing was going to happen socially
13:58
situationally or chemical no one thinks
14:00
about me as much as I do right anxiety
14:03
comes from control which is also kind of
14:06
a form of narcissism you think that
14:08
everyone’s thinking about you think
14:09
everyone cares about you but no one
14:12
gives a rip the fact of the matter is is
14:15
this is something going on inside you
14:18
ok and again remember anxiety was about
14:22
the future if you have anxiety you’re
14:25
not fully living in right now okay think
14:30
about this permit this is why so much
14:31
literature about drinking has to do with
14:34
living right now taking day at a time
14:37
take it one minute at a time because
14:39
this future thing is where anxiety lives
14:43
right right now if I stand here and I
14:47
say right now I’m okay
14:49
nothing Bad’s happening ok right now I
14:53
could worry about tomorrow and say well
14:55
what if that check doesn’t come
14:57
what if that person laughs at me what if
15:00
the doctor says I need something you
15:03
know all this stuff but again thats
15:04
future right and we’re living in the
15:06
future you’re not living right now
15:07
anxiety is all in the future and it’s
15:09
all not real because you don’t know
15:11
what’s going to happen in the future
15:13
that’s why the serenity prayer is so
15:14
important god grant me the serenity to
15:17
accept the things I cannot change what
15:18
can’t you
15:19
aged well I can’t really change tomorrow
15:23
I mean there’s things I could do to make
15:24
tomorrow better but I really can’t
15:25
change it from right now i can only deal
15:28
with tomorrow when tomorrow comes right
15:31
and we look at this and we say give me
15:33
the serenity to accept the things I
15:35
cannot change and the courage to change
15:37
the things I can and the wisdom to know
15:39
the difference this is the wisdom
15:41
knowing the difference the wisdom
15:42
knowing the difference is going to
15:44
change it and say well anxieties really
15:46
not real and it’s all about things that
15:48
I can’t control
15:49
that’s why so much literature about
15:51
drinking is all about giving up giving
15:54
up the control right giving up and and
15:57
we need to give it up because it’s like
15:58
okay well instead of fighting anxiety
16:00
you give up to it and say well there it
16:03
is right instead of going in like I was
16:06
in therapy and giving it a name and
16:07
making it this beast that it’s not i
16:10
just say well there it is there’s
16:12
anxiety again it’s probably some
16:13
chemical thing might have had too much
16:15
sugar maybe an extra cup of coffee is
16:17
not a good idea maybe you just get
16:20
nervous in these certain situations but
16:22
the fact of the matter is I don’t have
16:23
to fight it anymore because now i
16:25
realize what it is and back when I was
16:27
drinking I didn’t realize what it was I
16:30
didn’t realize that I drink to get rid
16:32
of the anxiety which felt good but then
16:34
it started to give me no relief which
16:36
made me start to feel like I was going
16:38
crazy but all of this could have been
16:40
inverted had someone said Marcus your
16:44
worst fears your worst anxieties all the
16:47
stuff that you fear right now is not
16:50
real it’s not real something your mind
16:53
is making up to scare you
16:55
it’s something chemical right all these
16:58
things all of this stuff 99% of it will
17:01
never come true right the one percent
17:04
that probably will isn’t that bad anyway
17:06
a lot of the stuff that we make up in
17:08
our brain is a lot worse than it is
17:11
and once we learn that one yes alcohol
17:13
is causing our anxiety and how we need
17:15
to learn to stop drinking and we need to
17:17
train yourself to be okay with it right
17:20
I sit here I say well you know what
17:21
sometimes I’m anxious that’s okay it’s
17:24
gonna be okay right
17:25
and that’s one of things I keep telling
17:27
myself over and over is that it’s going
17:28
to be okay you’re gonna be alright don’t
17:31
have to fight anymore
17:32
you don’t have to fight no one knows you
17:34
have anxiety people came to me after his
17:36
drinking they said you have anxiety you
17:37
have a drinking problem
17:39
I never would have known right and they
17:41
had no idea the inner conflict going on
17:45
inside my mind and my body and the fact
17:47
of the matter is it wasn’t even real
17:51
that’s it it’s not real it’s just
17:52
something fabricated by alcohol bad
17:55
thoughts and bad thought patterns and
17:58
what I want to do is I’m going to teach
17:59
you how to deal with this so takeaways
18:01
from this video yes
18:03
alcohol is causing your anxiety you need
18:04
to knock it off because it doesn’t work
18:06
it doesn’t work to you don’t have to
18:11
fight anymore fighting makes it worse
18:13
fighting makes it works fighting makes
18:15
it real right fighting makes it real
18:17
it’s not real number three realize it’s
18:20
not real and then come back to Center
18:23
focus on your breath focus on where
18:26
you’re at right now focus on the fact
18:28
that you can’t change most of the stuff
18:30
you’re worried about from right here in
18:32
this moment in this moment right here
18:34
the best thing you can do is just be and
18:37
instead of being involved in your
18:38
anxiety and and giving in to your
18:40
anxiety and fighting why not just watch
18:43
it right because if i say i am anxious
18:47
what does that mean
18:49
what is it I am inches who’s an i and
18:51
how do i know i’m anxious right the fact
18:54
of the matter is anxiety isn’t me it’s
18:56
something my body does in my mind
18:58
follows and goes crazy if I let it but
19:01
if I just watch it and set their it has
19:02
been anxious again there’s that feeling
19:04
and probably had too much coffee
19:06
probably worried about something he
19:09
can’t change probably just getting all
19:11
that alcohol out of your body or
19:12
whatever it is right now I’m in control
19:15
in a way that I don’t even have to
19:17
control it i just sit there and I say
19:19
you know what
19:20
there it is so what so you got anxiety
19:23
so what right i know there’s books all
19:26
this stuff on all this anxiety but so
19:29
what
19:29
it’s not real it’s only real if you give
19:33
it a name and you make it a monster so
19:36
focus on that
19:38
remember it’s not real remember you
19:39
don’t have to fight and remember alcohol
19:42
doesn’t work anymore
19:43
I hope you enjoyed this video about
19:44
alcohol and anxiety if you have more
19:46
questions about it
19:48
put your comments below this is a topic
19:50
i’m very passionate about something I
19:51
dealt with very very difficult for many
19:54
years so if you have questions about it
19:56
put them in the box below also want to
19:58
go to talk silver dot-com / anxiety talk
20:03
sober dot-com / anxiety and put all my
20:06
anxiety videos and some PDFs that you
20:08
can download and print out to help you
20:10
out when you get anxious so go over
20:12
there talksober.com/anxiety i hope
20:15
you enjoyed this video i’m marcus and
20:17
i’ll see you in the next video