Anxiety
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I remember it like it was yesterday it
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was 2012 and I had just had one of the
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major scares of my drinking
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we’re always in vegas conducting a
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business meeting and because of my
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drinking and I ended up having a pretty
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nasty fall
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I fell and hurt myself and everything
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like that and I remember coming back
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from that meeting and I said you know
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what something’s gotta change I’ve got
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to start to get sober so I decided that
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I go see a therapist and chalk out all
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my bad memories and deal with all this
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stuff that’s plaguing me and I went to
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this therapist and she had told me that
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one of my issues was that I had anxiety
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now up until this point I always had a
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feeling in my body but I never knew what
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it was and until the minute that she
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actually told me you have anxiety i
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never really dealt with it in a way like
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it was about to happen right because
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what she labeled the word anxiety i was
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off to the races i walked out of her
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office quivery and shaky because this
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thing called anxiety has now become a
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real big thing in my life that was like
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what was this little thing that was
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kinda off to the side had now become
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this monster that was overtaking me
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hi there i’m marcus and welcome to talk
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sober dot-com and if you haven’t guessed
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it
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today’s talk is going to be about
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anxiety and alcohol
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we’re going to talk all about alcohol
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and anxiety how they go hand-in-hand how
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one works with the other and how you
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could finally deal with anxiety in a
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real-world way now this is something
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that I had to learn with over four years
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of dealing with this right for years
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from the time she named it to today and
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I dealt with anxiety while I was
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drinking while I was not drinking all
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the time right and all these therapists
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and all these books and everything told
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me different ways to deal with anxiety
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but I found something that actually
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works and i’m gonna share that with you
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now so in this video I’ll go over to the
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whiteboard since we like to write things
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down what we’re going to do is we’re
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gonna talk about number one alcohol and
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anxiety
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we’re going to talk about can alcohol
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and does
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alcohol create anxiety we’re going to
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talk about anxiety and alcohol abuse
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alcohol depression and anxiety alcohol
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induced anxiety and all those things so
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let’s go ahead and write and anxiety
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right at all funny because anxiety area
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I’ll spell it right ok so we have
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anxiety here what we’re going to do is
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we talk about this now what is anxiety
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anxiety is a feeling of discomfort in
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your body like something is going to
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happen it’s at jittery feeling you get
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like right before you’re about to give a
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speech or right before you’re nervous to
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tell someone something or that feeling
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you get after you drank when you wake up
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and you don’t know what you did the
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night before and youre just delivery and
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wondering what’s going on
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ok now what happens here is anxiety on
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its own is a very very common thing lots
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of people have anxiety lots of people
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deal with this i think they said the
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biggest fear in the world is the fear of
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public speaking which means people fear
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this anxiety because that’s really the
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only fear you’re anxious about what’s
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going to happen okay so anxiety is about
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future
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ok anxieties about future anxiety is
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this is going to happen i’m going to
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look like an idiot
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people are going to tease me i’m going
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to get hurt people are going to say this
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about me okay so anxiety is all in the
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future which means if we’re living in
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the future we’re not living right now
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very important ok so we have this
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anxiety now how does this have to do
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with drinking now when i was first
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drinking when I started drinking heavy
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after that period where she said
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BAM you have anxiety right she said you
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have anxiety from that point i noticed
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when i took a drink it was gone right i
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would go into a social situation I would
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go somewhere and nervously or I’d
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usually be anxious i would go into a
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business meeting where I was supposed to
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talk and act like i knew what i was
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talking about and usually I da
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chess but I knew if I had a few drinks
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in me the anxiety just kind of
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disappeared it did went away right now
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other effects happen like I became quite
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an ass i became a drunk and things like
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this now what happened was like in the
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other video where we are training our
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brain right our brain is learning it
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says hey I’m anxiety I don’t like this i
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got anxiety i drink and the anxiety is
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gone
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this goes to the brain and says ding
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ding we have a solution we have a
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solution so every time you get anxiety
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your brain said Bingbing here’s a
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solution go drink right and over and
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over and over again now over time
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once you have drink number one ranked
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number two during number three and over
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and over again every time you have this
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to relieve I can’t spell anxiety right
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your brain is learning this now what
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happens is over time just like any
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substance your body gets immune to it
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ok so your body is now getting immune to
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the anxiety that’s why you’re like okay
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well beginning I had three drinks and I
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was fine i talk like a king everything
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but now you know what it takes me six or
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nine or twelve or worse
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it stopped working this is the dangerous
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part because when it stops working
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what’s happening is all this stuff is
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building up in your body all this is
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building up right it’s all the
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counteractive anxiety stuff it’s trying
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to kill the anxiety but when it stops
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working all you are left with is anxiety
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and no relief i remember is so bad
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sometimes I couldn’t even sit at the
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edge of the functions for the school for
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my kids when they’re getting Awards I
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couldn’t even go to that stuff because I
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was
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Oh inches i couldn’t even sit still
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there is one time my wife asked me to go
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for a walk in our neighborhood which had
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walked through four years right and she
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said go for a walk I couldn’t even make
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it to the end of our coldest ack without
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collapsing and going back home and being
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just a complete mess and having to go
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back to drinking which wasn’t even
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working
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it didn’t even work right so what’s
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happening here is you now have anxiety
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and no relief right because this anxiety
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is building up you trained it to go down
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with the drinking and now you’re stuck
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with just anxiety so what is the answer
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here
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well first of all what has happened is
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this whole thing has reversed on you
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ok instead of anxiety and drinking being
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the relief and the big cycle drink
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relief drink
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really now the the drinking is actually
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causing the anxiety because there’s no
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mellow out stuff left in your brain and
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in your body right all the mellow out
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stuff has been killed and now you’re
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just stuck with anxiety believe me I’ve
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been there it ended me up in a mental
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ward was not fun
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so what’s the question here well number
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one number one you have to realize that
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alcohol gotta get on my tippy-toes here
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causes so the very thing that you think
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is helping with written with your
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anxiety is actually causing your anxiety
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right
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your Cure has become your worst
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nightmare because now it is actually
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causing the anxiety and now because your
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brain says yay i still think alcohol
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works right
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what’s happening is your brain is now
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producing this anxiety and all you have
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is anxiety there is no relief
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ok so this is what’s going on here i
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want you to realize can alcohol cause
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anxiety
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yes it is actually causing the anxiety
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by dampening the natural things that go
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against anxiety right the natural things
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that calm you down are now gone because
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it says what
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don’t need that anymore because I got
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this alcohol and it works and it works
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and it works and it works until it
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doesn’t
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ok so cannot alcohol cause anxiety yes
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and chances are it probably is now what
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is the key because when i first had this
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anxiety when i first got out of that
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therapists office all Wiggly and crazy i
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didn’t know what to do i thought i had
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to fight right wheel in this culture
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that says fight for the stuff you want
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fight for the things you need you gotta
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get out there fight fight fight fight
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fight right so i would sit there and I’d
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be anxious and I got the whole world was
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watching me
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ok i was completely anxious and crazy
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and go nuts
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alright and i thought i had to fight it
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so I sit there and I fight it right but
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what I realized is what does this come
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from
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ok i’ll tell you a little story back
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when I was trying to first get sober I
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had this counselor that I found online
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and she came to me and she said Marcus
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you are a control freak and to meet hit
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me kind of blindsided because I said you
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know here in my my my wife’s a control
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freak everyone else in my life is a
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control freak but not me i’m mr. meek
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and mild passive guy i am not a control
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freak
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ok and so she said this to me and it
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kinda you know it kind of threw me off
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base because I was like okay well what’s
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the deal and then I started to learn
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that the meek and mild stuff that I was
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pretending was actually part of being a
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control freak right you can control with
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manipulation with the way that you talk
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with persuasiveness all these things can
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be a control freak you don’t have to be
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the yelling crazy person that I thought
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a control freak was so here I am i think
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i have to fight and I realized that the
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reason I told you that story that
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anxiety is about control right you’re
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sitting there you’re nervous
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there’s 300 people all around you think
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they’re all looking at you think they’ll
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care what you’re thinking and you think
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that they know you have anxiety but they
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don’t and you are creating this anxiety
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and fighting these things
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piety as a way to control your situation
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I think about this firm and anxiety is
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about control this is your way of
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controlling the situation
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ok and you think well you know this
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anxiety I can’t get rid of it
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I gotta fight it in the best way to
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fight it is drinking but the drinking is
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now causing anxiety
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ok and we look at this and say well
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what’s the secret right we can’t drink
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anymore because it doesn’t work and even
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if it is still working it’s going to end
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up to where it’s actually causing the
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anxiety so we try fighting but we
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realize that fighting is not working it
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just makes it worse right how many times
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have you been in a place you’ve been
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anxious you try to fight its this cycle
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of just you can’t even focus because
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it’s all there and it’s all making you
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jittery and crazy and it’s all you could
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think about it’s like you might as well
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not even be in the place you’re at when
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you’re anxious because you’re not really
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there anyway
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now there’s a secret there’s a secret
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that I learned in over four years of
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dealing with this stuff and the secret
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the secret is it is not real plain and
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simple
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anxiety is not real it’s just something
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it’s a chemical impulse in your body
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that tells you something bad is going to
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happen and you need to be on guard but
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it’s not real
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ninety-nine percent of our anxiety is
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social situation all or chemical okay
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well it’s all chemical but so so right
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are we afraid of the social situation is
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someone better than is someone going to
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fight with us do I have to argue right
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it’s like that thing that you get when
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someone has a different view than you
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and they want to yell at you about why
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your view is wrong and you get all tense
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and anxious and everything like that
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that would be social situation are you
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anxious about your situation when I went
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in rehab for 30 days i had situational
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anxiety I didn’t know if these people
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are going to kill me I didn’t know if I
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was going to have a home when I got out
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I didn’t know what was going on and I
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was anxious 24 hours a day for 30 days
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straight with no relief crazy all right
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or chemical right it’s all chemical
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because it’s all causing something in
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your body now one of the things that I
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struggled with was the fact that lots of
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my anxiety had no like word type thought
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to it right I wasn’t like i SAT there
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and I went that guys probably going to
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kick my butt
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I’m anxious no it was just a feeling
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right there is a feeling and that’s it
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that’s it was just a feeling
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no thoughts no words no nothing but what
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I had to realize is that most of the
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stuff if not all of it was not real
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right
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nothing was going to happen socially
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situationally or chemical no one thinks
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about me as much as I do right anxiety
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comes from control which is also kind of
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a form of narcissism you think that
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everyone’s thinking about you think
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everyone cares about you but no one
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gives a rip the fact of the matter is is
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this is something going on inside you
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ok and again remember anxiety was about
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the future if you have anxiety you’re
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not fully living in right now okay think
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about this permit this is why so much
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literature about drinking has to do with
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living right now taking day at a time
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take it one minute at a time because
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this future thing is where anxiety lives
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right right now if I stand here and I
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say right now I’m okay
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nothing Bad’s happening ok right now I
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could worry about tomorrow and say well
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what if that check doesn’t come
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what if that person laughs at me what if
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the doctor says I need something you
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know all this stuff but again thats
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future right and we’re living in the
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future you’re not living right now
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anxiety is all in the future and it’s
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all not real because you don’t know
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what’s going to happen in the future
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that’s why the serenity prayer is so
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important god grant me the serenity to
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accept the things I cannot change what
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can’t you
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aged well I can’t really change tomorrow
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I mean there’s things I could do to make
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tomorrow better but I really can’t
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change it from right now i can only deal
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with tomorrow when tomorrow comes right
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and we look at this and we say give me
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the serenity to accept the things I
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cannot change and the courage to change
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the things I can and the wisdom to know
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the difference this is the wisdom
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knowing the difference the wisdom
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knowing the difference is going to
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change it and say well anxieties really
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not real and it’s all about things that
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I can’t control
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that’s why so much literature about
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drinking is all about giving up giving
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up the control right giving up and and
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we need to give it up because it’s like
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okay well instead of fighting anxiety
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you give up to it and say well there it
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is right instead of going in like I was
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in therapy and giving it a name and
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making it this beast that it’s not i
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just say well there it is there’s
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anxiety again it’s probably some
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chemical thing might have had too much
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sugar maybe an extra cup of coffee is
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not a good idea maybe you just get
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nervous in these certain situations but
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the fact of the matter is I don’t have
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to fight it anymore because now i
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realize what it is and back when I was
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drinking I didn’t realize what it was I
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didn’t realize that I drink to get rid
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of the anxiety which felt good but then
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it started to give me no relief which
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made me start to feel like I was going
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crazy but all of this could have been
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inverted had someone said Marcus your
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worst fears your worst anxieties all the
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stuff that you fear right now is not
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real it’s not real something your mind
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is making up to scare you
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it’s something chemical right all these
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things all of this stuff 99% of it will
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never come true right the one percent
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that probably will isn’t that bad anyway
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a lot of the stuff that we make up in
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our brain is a lot worse than it is
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and once we learn that one yes alcohol
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is causing our anxiety and how we need
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to learn to stop drinking and we need to
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train yourself to be okay with it right
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I sit here I say well you know what
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sometimes I’m anxious that’s okay it’s
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gonna be okay right
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and that’s one of things I keep telling
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myself over and over is that it’s going
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to be okay you’re gonna be alright don’t
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have to fight anymore
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you don’t have to fight no one knows you
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have anxiety people came to me after his
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drinking they said you have anxiety you
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have a drinking problem
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I never would have known right and they
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had no idea the inner conflict going on
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inside my mind and my body and the fact
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of the matter is it wasn’t even real
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that’s it it’s not real it’s just
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something fabricated by alcohol bad
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thoughts and bad thought patterns and
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what I want to do is I’m going to teach
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you how to deal with this so takeaways
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from this video yes
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alcohol is causing your anxiety you need
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to knock it off because it doesn’t work
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it doesn’t work to you don’t have to
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fight anymore fighting makes it worse
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fighting makes it works fighting makes
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it real right fighting makes it real
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it’s not real number three realize it’s
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not real and then come back to Center
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focus on your breath focus on where
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you’re at right now focus on the fact
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that you can’t change most of the stuff
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you’re worried about from right here in
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this moment in this moment right here
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the best thing you can do is just be and
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instead of being involved in your
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anxiety and and giving in to your
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anxiety and fighting why not just watch
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it right because if i say i am anxious
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what does that mean
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what is it I am inches who’s an i and
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how do i know i’m anxious right the fact
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of the matter is anxiety isn’t me it’s
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something my body does in my mind
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follows and goes crazy if I let it but
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if I just watch it and set their it has
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been anxious again there’s that feeling
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and probably had too much coffee
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probably worried about something he
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can’t change probably just getting all
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that alcohol out of your body or
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whatever it is right now I’m in control
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in a way that I don’t even have to
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control it i just sit there and I say
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you know what
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there it is so what so you got anxiety
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so what right i know there’s books all
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this stuff on all this anxiety but so
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what
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it’s not real it’s only real if you give
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it a name and you make it a monster so
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focus on that
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remember it’s not real remember you
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don’t have to fight and remember alcohol
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doesn’t work anymore
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I hope you enjoyed this video about
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alcohol and anxiety if you have more
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questions about it
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put your comments below this is a topic
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i’m very passionate about something I
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dealt with very very difficult for many
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years so if you have questions about it
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put them in the box below also want to
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go to talk silver dot-com / anxiety talk
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sober dot-com / anxiety and put all my
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anxiety videos and some PDFs that you
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can download and print out to help you
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out when you get anxious so go over
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there talksober.com/anxiety i hope
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you enjoyed this video i’m marcus and
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i’ll see you in the next video