Letter Six: Return to Center, When Life Just Sucks Ass; Summary
In letter six, Marcus talks about our control in life. He talks about what we have control over and what we don’t. When we were drinking, we thought we had a lot more control over things then we realized. In reality, we controlled very little. It frustrated us, and we did not know what to do. Often it made us frustrated and angry, so we lashed out at people and we ended up drinking at our problem.
When we quit drinking our problems don’t just go away. Our lives don’t just magically get perfect. But if you follow these letters and really try to change yourself, you will get a new perspective on life and see things for what they are so you can live in a productive way.
When drinking we get a skewed outlook at life. We often can’t differentiate between: Life as it really is; Life as we think it is; and life as we want it to be.
Our belief systems told us what we should have, what we should do, and what we should be. We also had our own ideas on how others should act and how they should treat us. We had many unrealistic expectations about our world.
We thought others should treat us with respect regardless of how we acted. We just assumed that everyone else was going through life thinking about us and how they could or should help us. 99% of our daily thoughts were about ourselves; what we wanted, what we felt, what we needed, and what we expected.
We had these thoughts about what should or would or is, but never really living in the now.
Maybe we thought we were better workers then others because we were successful, or we were smarter than others because we are well educated, or we are just smarter then others because we just are.
When things didn’t go our way, we gave meaning to them or justified why these things didn’t go our way. Adding alcohol to our racing thoughts made things worse. We overanalyzed things. We tried to think about why things weren’t going our way and convinced ourselves of some crazy reason. Of course, not blaming ourselves or our drinking.
We developed these expectations of what life should be. We got sober and are living a good life now. Everyone should be proud of us that we got sober. We are back to being responsible and we wonder why others don’t respect us as much as we feel they should. When we don’t get what we want our egos can be hurt. We get into that destructive thought loop of over analyzing. We were used to overthinking when we drank, so we can easily go down that same path. And when we go down this path we start to wallow in self-pity. Our self-value comes from outside of our self and when things don’t go our way, we feel defeated. So, wallowing in our defeat, we drink.
This is how society has trained us. Our self-worth is defined by our possessions, our toughness, and our strength even if it means putting others down. We can’t admit we are alcoholics because we are afraid of being week.
We can overcome these thoughts. We have to focus on the right things. We’ve been fighting these thoughts when we really need to just redirect them. We are not as strong as we think we are. In fact, no one is. We are all just 1 of 8 billion people on earth. That’s it. In the grand scheme of things our goals and dreams are pretty much insignificant.
We need to tell ourselves that we are going to be ok right now. No matter how bad things are of seem to be, right now you’ll be ok. Will you be ok tomorrow? Who knows? But right now, you are ok.
Many people in life try to run their lives on how right and justified they are when things don’t go their way. Many times, they are right, but they usually are not happy.
This is all about control. We tend to lose our cool when we are not in control of our situations. Our overthinking and self-pity are all about trying to control our world.
In reality, we are in control of very little. We have to figure out how to let it go.
This brings up AA’s serenity prayer, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” This prayer talks about acceptance.
It tells us to accept the things we cannot change. What happened to us in life, we cannot change. We are not the sum of our thoughts, the things we have done, or the things that happened to us.
We may have been through some very bad things. We have been a victim of some bad things. We were right in feeling like injustice was done to us. People told us to just let it go. But that seemed like letting the bad people win.
We don’t have to let things go, but we do have to learn to work through them. Accept them for what they are and our part in them (even if our part is just accepting that we cannot change them). We can choose to define ourselves based of us not on outside of ourselves.
Accept the things you cannot change, stop giving meaning to things in the past. Stop carrying things from the past with you.
Accept the things you can change. Choose to love yourself for being who you are.
Your drinking has brought you to where you are right now, accept that!
Accept where you are right now, have the courage to change what you can now with your new information. Try to understand the difference of what you can and cannot do.
But most importantly, don’t drink today, even if your ass falls off.
Letter #5: You Only Need a Few Good Ideas to Beat This; Summary
In letter 5 Marcus talks about your accountability in your sobriety. He talks about how you can help your sobriety by not just having the information you need for sobriety or even have the willingness to do what you need for sobriety, Marcus explains what you need to DO to get and maintain sobriety.
Marcus explains that he has been down this “getting sober road” before you. He has given you lots of tools, advice, and tips that he used on how to stay sober. Yet you keep on getting drunk!
Is it a weakness that needs to be considered or do you need a firm kick in the butt?
Maybe you need someone to yell you into sobriety.
Can it be that simple? Someone to yell you into sobriety?
It can be but there is more to it than that.
Marcus talks about how it took him a year and half of seriously trying to finely get and stay sober. He went to a meeting in Vegas and his anxiety started to overwhelm him. He drank way too much and ended up regretting his actions that evening. He decided he was done and would get help.
He looked for therapists and counselors that would help him with his emotional issues. he thought that was the cause of his excessive drinking. He got books, programs, went to meetings, church alcohol support groups. He talked with many “professionals” but couldn’t get an answer to what his problem was. He even tried to get into a rehab and they wouldn’t give him an answer on what to do.
Marcus felt that everyone just wanted to get him to beg for help so he could write them a big check, so he could join others in praying to some God of his understanding.
Marcus wanted something that was going to work for him. Something that was going to help the real alcoholic. He wanted to know what was going on with him.
Marcus goes on to explain that his feelings of guilt, self-hatred, and his negative consequences were not keeping him sober. How many times have you woken up after a big night of drinking and said, “I’m done!” Then sure enough you do it again.
People tend to deal with problems in two distinct ways:
- Keep doing the same thing over and over again but feel better about it by paying false repentance or,
- Accept the problem, forgive yourself, and become better.
Ask yourself this: Are you OK with your life right now if you didn’t get any of the negative feelings alcohol gives you? Would you still drink if you didn’t get hangovers? Can you honestly say, “My life isn’t so bad.”
If you are wondering if alcohol is a problem or not, the fact that you are wondering means it probably is. Healthy (nonalcoholic) people don’t drink until they pass out in gutters or take time off work because they are hungover. It may be hard to believe but most people don’t drink much at all and many don’t drink at all, not because they can’t they just don’t want to.
So, Marcus asks you, “So are you an alcoholic who wants help… or do you just want to feel better about fucking your life up by your own hand over and over and over again and relying on others to clean up all your mistakes and bullshit and have to listen to you whine like a two-year-old about all your problems?”
If you do that’s ok. He’s not going to baby you. The problem is that no one has called you out on your actions. Maybe you’re good at hiding your actions and pretending that everything is good.
So, how do you get help? How do you stop drinking long enough to see what’s going on?
First you need to build a foundation of knowledge to use when you feel like drinking. This is a foundation of knowledge of what to do, not what to say or think, what to do.
Knowledge gives us tools, but actions keep us sober.
There may be many other issues you are dealing with and we will work on those, but we have to start here as active alcohol addiction affects those areas too.
Alcohol has affected your perspective. We need to fix that first, so we can take care of other problems in a productive positive way.
It seems easier for the addicted mind to just take another drink and put off those problems but that always makes them worse. Alcohol has crept up slowly, you didn’t even see it coming, and now it’s got you.
Now you need some tools to 1. See the problem and 2. Deal with the problem.
It’s not easy, most of us have wanted to drink again or worse but the little tools we will give you can help. Your mind wants to take the easy way out, drink. But we have to develop new ways to deal with problems.
We do this by taking statements and making them into thoughts and actions. Remember thoughts, words, books, even rehab will not keep you sober, actions will.
When you find yourself in tough situation or just simply going on through your day let these next statements guide your actions:
- One of my favorites: I am not going to drink today even if my ass falls off… tomorrow I can go get all fucked up but today I am going to stay sober.
- Life is a journey… not a destination… no matter what I am on this journey making my way thru life… things do not have to be perfect right now, but I can get better every day by not drinking today.
- Amend your behavior and do the best you can in life… let others do what they are going to do… focus on your part.
- Start your day on the right foot and the rest will come much easier for you.
- Remember… these emotions will not kill me or hurt me… but drinking to ignore them probably will.
- Arguments don’t change minds… love and patience does.
- Right now, even though I have these feelings and it’s starting to overwhelm me… I can ALWAYS allow a minute or two for the filter process before I respond… to others and even my own thoughts
- If I do not stand for something… I will fall for everything… what do I stand for right now in this situation… how can I make it better
- Failure is 100% guaranteed if I don’t at least try doing some of the things that have helped others stay sober.
- Perfection is the enemy of excellence… remember you may not be able to do everything perfect right now… but you can start somewhere
- Guilt is a fire alarm to change your behavior… instead of sitting and wallowing in the fire alarm and complaining about how loud it is… get out of the fucking house.
- Procrastination is the thief of time… what can I do right now (no matter how small) to get to work on my bigger plans
- Today… I forgive myself and allow myself to be human… some days I just don’t feel good, or get everything done, or change the world, but it is ok… some days are not blockbuster winners… but I don’t have to drink anymore and that is a start.
- The one that gets you is the one you don’t see coming… what is coming my way and how can I not let it get me.
- Be the change you want to see in this world
- Give yourself a break… stop being your own worst critic and allow yourself to just be ok today.
- A mistake doesn’t become an error unless you do nothing to correct it.
- Knowledge gives me options… actions keep me sober
- GUILT is not a method of paying our dues… its useless unless I DO something different from here on out.
- Quit crying about it… and go to work on it.
- Decision is your first step… but you have to follow it up with actions
- I can win all the arguments and fights… but lose the war and pay dearly with my sanity.
- Be willing to disappoint people… if it means you are sticking to your principals
- Do what you NEED to do REGARDLESS of how you feel.
- Surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth even if it means stepping on your toes
- I cannot win tomorrow right now… tomorrow is another day… I will focus on today… and today I will not drink eve if my ass falls off.
- Develop a life you do not have to escape from.
- The teacher is always here… am I ready to learn?
Pick out a few of these statements and make them your own. Check out talksober.com for many more videos, audios, and tools to help you stay sober.
YOU CAN STAY SOBER IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO DRINK!!!!!
It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday or what will happen tomorrow or what you’ve been through even if you have had lasting sobriety before and lost it. YOU CAN GET AND STAY SOBER!!!!!
Letter #4: False Confidence Based on Feelings Summary
In letter 4 Marcus talks about feelings, what they are, what they mean, and how to deal with them. We learn that feelings will not kill us, they don’t even really hurt us. If we look at them for what they are, our life will become much easier.
We also learn that as alcoholics we tend to be affected by our feelings much more then the normal person. We drink because it makes us feel better. Drinking becomes the solution to make us feel better when we are angry, stressed, sad, or lonely. Drinking gives us more self confidence or helps us cope with a fight with our significant other.
The media even tries to tell us that alcohol makes things better. They bombard us with commercials of people drinking and having a great time, or drinking and enjoying a tender, precious moment.
But what happens to the alcoholic is, we feel better temporarily but in reality, there are still issues we are dealing with under the surface. When we drink we just push off that underlying issue. When we wake up the next day, the issue is still there and on top of that we are hung over and feel like crap. Then we start to wallow in self-pity and decide to drink again because we know we will feel better.
Or maybe we get in an argument. We are angry and decide to drink to calm down. Then we start to feel like a tough guy and decide that we are going to win that argument weather we are right or wrong. We feel like we’ve won but actually we just drove the person away.
Or maybe you grew up like Marcus in an uncertain world. No one in your life you could depend on. No one in your life that showed you any love or acknowledgement. Maybe you grew up with violence and you had to learn how to survive it.
You had to learn how to adapt. You had to be on guard and ready to respond to anything at any time. Things coming at you from every direction. You were constantly overwhelmed. You felt ready to explode but just wanted some peace.
Your life might be in shambles. You may have issues with family, money, job. You may have legal issues, health issues. You have serious issues and on top of that you can’t stop drinking.
Marcus says here, “fuck all your issues”. It probably makes you mad, but it needs to be said. In fact, many of the issues were caused by you anyway. You are screwing up your own life. We know, we understand. We’ve been there, we’ve screwed up our own lives and didn’t see it. It was always someone else’s fault.
But what happened is no one taught us the rules for life. No one taught us how feelings and emotions work in our life. It doesn’t have to be this way. Marcus will show you the way out. A new way to live life.
So first we have to look at our emotions.
Marcus defines emotion as something meaning motion.
Emotion is an energy moving around inside your body making you feel certain things based on your beliefs and experience.
Marcus explains how some crazy cat lady can have all sorts of insane thoughts because of her emotions. She has a lot of fear of what other people think about her and her cats. She wants the fear to go away so she tries to think about what to do. She dwells on insane thoughts because of the fear of things that happened to her because of the cats and things that could happen again. Her fear is an emotion she just wants to run from.
The emotion of fear is not a bad thing unless we start to give it meaning and power.
Sometimes the fear can be an unjustified fear. Like a fear of going to church and being afraid everyone is judging you or just looking at you. Or a fear of people seeing you eat in a public place. But maybe these fears stem from something that happened in the past that was real and something to genuinely fear. It can be hard to deal with these feelings.
But we can look at it for what it is: an emotion, a feeling. It won’t kill us. So try to just accept yourself. It’s ok to have feelings, good and bad. These feelings and emotions were set up by you to protect yourself from harm. There is nothing wrong with feeling and thinking the way you do.
Marcus goes on to explain that now it’s time to let go and understand your feelings for what they are……. feelings.
Here’s the bottom line, feelings won’t kill you, but if you keep drinking, alcohol probably will kill you. So, if you drink to cover up your feelings with alcohol, you are covering something that won’t kill you with something that will. Crazy HUH?
Another thing about feelings is that you can’t out think them. Your feelings are going to happen. You have to learn how to live with them. You have to learn how to work with them in a productive way.
You can deal with your emotions without having a drink. When you realize this your life will become much better. You will have good days and bad days, but you don’t have to drink anymore.
You only need to have 2 or 3 really good ideas to beat this:
You can call someone like a sponsor or go to a support group
You can go to a 12 step meeting
You can meditate or just pause and sit quietly
You can tell your self you can drink tomorrow but today you will stay sober
Remember that life is not happening to you, you are part of life. You must be careful. Life can be going great even for a long time and then bam! You get this feeling that you didn’t even notice, and you pick up a drink. That’s the lizard brain waiting for you to let your guard down. For an alcoholic, it’s not the 20th drink that gets you drunk, it’s the first drink. Because once we have one, we will have many many more. It may not happen now or even weeks from now, but if an alcoholic has a drink they will go back to where they were or worse than they were before.
Marcus tells us it’s now time to make the pact again….. Don’t drink even if your ass falls off!!!!!!!!!!!
Letter #3: Retrain the Reptile Brain Summary
In letter #3, the first thing we learn is sometimes we just don’t feel good. Maybe it’s because we’ve done something like hung out outside in hot humid weather smoking cigars all day or maybe there’s just no reason at all that we don’t feel good. In sobriety (especially early sobriety), we often don’t feel good. It’s important to realize that this happens and it’s normal. It’s OK to feel like crap, we just deal with it and move on. The most important thing is that we don’t drink.
Back when we felt bad, the reptile brain in us, would have us take a drink whenever we felt like crap. So, in letter 3, we make the “ass fall off pact” again; today you are not going to drink even if our ass falls off… tomorrow you can go out and drink, but today you stay sober. Try reading the letters in the morning, they will help you get the day started right.
Letter #3 goes on to explain the reptile brain. It’s the primitive part of the brain. It’s the part of the brain that controls impulses, obsessions, daily rituals, and our fight or flight response. It’s the part of the brain that runs on autopilot. Like when you order a drink without even thinking about it because it’s what you do.
The reptile brain has been conditioned by your drinking. When you drink and drink, it starts to become a habit. That’s when the reptile brain begins to take hold. As this drinking habit continues you begin to want this drink more and more. Eventually you need it. The reptile brain is working here. You need a drink. You think you can control this urge but eventually you give in.
The reptile brain protects us (usually). When you touch a hot stove, you pull your hand back immediately without even thinking about it. The reptile brain also teaches you to not touch the hot stove in the future. That’s the reptile brain working.
With alcohol the reptile brain works a little differently. As you become dependent on alcohol, the reptile brain thinks it needs alcohol to feel better, no matter what. The reptile brain doesn’t care if alcohol is causing problems. It continues to use alcohol as the solution to problems or uncomfortable feelings. This happens in the subconscious. You may even recognize the problems alcohol is causing but the reptile brain will figure out a way to convince you that more alcohol is the right choice.
I personally wanted and needed to quit drinking long before I finely did. Everyday I would say no alcohol today. But somehow, I would convince myself that it would be OK if I had a little. Without fail I would end up drinking a whole lot. Even while I was drinking I would tell myself just 1 more and that’s it. But I would drink many more. The reptile brain was way more powerful than any will power I had.
Just like Marcus, I was in the death grip of Alcohol Hysteria.
Marcus goes on to talk about his insane thinking. That he might be worth more dead then alive. He knew he had to quit drinking. He was wondering if he was a terrible person. He had very little self-worth. He wondered if the reptile had taken him over and was causing these insane thoughts.
He was reacting to life with a drink rather then responding to life in a positive way with out drinking. But he couldn’t get out. He explains that once we are addicted we act on impulse and that we have to learn how to interrupt that process.
Marcus also explains that alcoholism is a fatal disease and that you MUST seek medical attention and be honest with your Doctor about your drinking to take that first step of quitting.
So, every time you try to quit, you feel like crap. It’s so much easier to just take a drink or many because your reptile brain tells you that alcohol will make you feel better, even if it doesn’t.
It doesn’t matter how smart you are or how successful you are, the reptile brain IS MORE POWERFUL!
There’s some valuable lessons here:
- There is nothing wrong with you. You are just another human trying to make your way through life. You are a product of your situations and experiences.
- You can pause and step back, even for a moment. You can pause for 15 minutes when you get anxious, angry, or frustrated. The feelings won’t kill you, but alcohol might.
- Racing thoughts and emotions are just thoughts, nothing more. Don’t take them seriously. They do not need to be drowned in alcohol.
Marcus has explained the reptile brain. You don’t have to feed it. You can learn a new way of life. It might seem impossible, but you can get there. No matter what you’ve been through or are going through you can stop drinking and have a new wonderful way of living. You start by not drinking, even if your ass falls off.
Pause, take a 15-minute break from life, try to live by responding to life rather than reacting to life. AND DON’T FEED THE REPTILE BRAIN!
Letter #2: Obsession of the mind, compulsion in the body
In letter 2 Marcus talks about how alcoholism is an obsession of the mind and a compulsion of the body no matter who you are. He begins by explaining how when he was younger he very strong spiritual beliefs. He was very active in his spiritual community. It was something that he felt would never change. But as his circumstances changed, he met a young lady that he connected with, he drifted away from his spiritual community as they did not approve of his actions. He didn’t realize that his situation was changing the way he felt, the way he thought, and his emotions. He changed as a person due to a situation that he had no control over.
He goes on to explain that an alcoholic and alcoholism is a lot like this.
When you become an alcoholic, the alcohol changes the way you think and act. It changes your emotions, your perspective, your way of dealing with things. At first alcohol is fun. You have some drinks with some friends, and your problems disappear, or at least you don’t worry about your problems for a short while. You get to just have some fun with some friends. It works, alcohol is good. You may begin to want that feeling of escape more often. Or you may want a deeper feeling of escape, so you just drink more and more. As alcohol dependency, or maybe it isn’t even dependency at this point, maybe it’s just a deep craving for that feeling that alcohol produces, your mind starts to obsess. Your mind starts to make alcohol a top priority. At the same time, your mind shields itself from even knowing that you may have become dependent on the alcohol. Additionally, your mind will justify the alcohol. Alcohol has hijacked your mind. Alcohol is controlling your thoughts, feelings, desires, and behavior. But you don’t see it! You may know that there is a problem, you may even suspect that alcohol is the problem, but that obsession of the mind and the compulsion of the body will eventually lead to a drink or 20. It doesn’t matter how strong you think you are. If you are an alcoholic, alcohol WILL WIN, unless you know the way out.
Marcus explains what is really happening with alcohol and the alcoholic. Years of drinking has proven that alcohol can help with any problem. It helped with the fears, the anxiety, it made you feel pretty good. But over time alcohol didn’t work as well, you needed more to achieve that feeling. You may have tried to moderate but it didn’t work because you couldn’t achieve that wonderful feeling. Eventually you had to drink. Not because you wanted to, but because you had to. This is where the alcoholic can only receive that comfortable feeling for just a short time if even at all. The rest of the time the alcoholic is restless, angry, jittery, feels like crap constantly. So, the alcoholic goes back to a drink trying to chase that comfort. An alcoholic may want to stop at this point, but he can’t find a way out.
Marcus tells us that there is a better way, a new way to live life. A way of life that isn’t just about reacting. A way of life where you are in control, not alcohol, not the racing thoughts. You can be in control by being in the moment, allowing those feelings to happen and just letting them be. You can live life where alcohol is just not an issue. You don’t need to fight it or crave it or need it. You just don’t want it.
You may feel you have a lot of things that need to be done. You’re busy, you’re important. There’s a lot that perhaps you’ve screwed up and you need to fix. It can be overwhelming, but you need to pause, step back, and don’t drink no matter what.
Marcus mentions that he understands. Every time you try to pause and let go of the problems, someone drags you back in. It never stops, it never goes away! Marcus personally knows what it’s like to be haunted by thoughts, obsessions, worries, and stress. That’s what addiction does to you. It’s an obsession of the mind and a compulsion of the body. Maybe you’ve been told you have OCD or Obsessive-compulsive behavior. Maybe people have said things to you or about you that bring you down. Maybe you’ve started to believe these things about yourself. For most of us, our situation, our circumstance, our family, and society has trained us what we should think about and what we should not think about. Then these thoughts just spin around, and we begin to feel like crap. We believe these thoughts, anxiety begins to control us. We find that the only way to control these thoughts is to drink, but eventually this doesn’t work. In fact, it actually makes things worse.
Marcus proposes; how about instead of fighting these thoughts we just let them happen and look at them for what they are…. thoughts. We are not the sum of our thoughts. What you think about is not who you are. You are more then your thoughts, more then your mind, more then your brain.
In Marcus’ letters he is going to show you how to manage the unwanted thoughts, desires, obsessions, and feelings. You will learn what caused these thoughts and how to just accept them. You will learn how to forgive yourself and have more understanding of yourself. You will learn how to be yourself and that it’s OK. You will learn how to not overthink things.
We will show you how to experience “the 2-foot drop”. You can live a sober and more importantly a happy life without alcohol. Just don’t drink today, that’s it! Don’t worry about tomorrow. Carry these letters with you, read them if you start to crave alcohol. It may not be easy but staying sober can be done.
In the next letter Marcus will discuss how to retrain the reptile brain.
Letter One Summary
Alcoholism can happen to anyone, no matter their intelligence, their social stature, their economic status, their education (even their alcohol abuse education), their past, their potential, their family or family history etc.
Alcoholics can manipulate almost any situation to get what they want.
Alcoholics often live a double life. The outward life of everything being together and successful and the inner life where things are slowly caving in and things are not good
Often an alcoholic will justify their drinking by taking care of simpler things very well, like taking care of the house
Often alcoholics will seek professional therapy but just end up lying to them
Alcoholics usually know deep down something is wrong, a lot of times they know it’s alcohol but many times they think it’s everything but alcohol
Many times, an alcoholic will research for the answer like the internet, am I an alcoholic or how much can I drink and not be an alcoholic, or how much does an alcoholic drink?
What usually happens is because of the progressive nature of alcoholism, things eventually come crashing down. Sometimes it’s all at once, sometimes it takes a long time.
An alcoholic often starts to obsess about their problems but can’t figure out how to solve them. Or more accurately tries to solve them with no avail
Drinking more alcohol takes away these feelings and obsessions, so drinking seems to be the answer. Thus, the circle of alcoholism goes. Alcohol gets rid of the obsession temporarily, but alcohol fuels the obsession the rest of the time.
Sometimes people become desperate to get out of this obsessive alcohol loop but don’t know how. Suicidal thoughts sometimes happen because their just may not seem to be any other way out.
It’s important when one gets in recovery that one remembers these alcoholic times. It’s important to remember because we can easily get back there. It may not be the first drink or the second drink. It may not happen in a couple weeks or even a couple months, but if an alcoholic starts to drink again, they will get worse then before. That is a guarantee.
Alcoholism is not your fault, it’s an illness of the mind and the body. The mind obsesses and craves the alcohol, but the body is allergic to it.
Most of us can come up with some reasons why we became alcoholics, but in reality, no one really knows.
Maybe you’re trying to quit for the first time or maybe you’ve tried once before or tried even many many times. It doesn’t matter where you are in that respect. What matters now is that you are trying now to get and stay sober.
If you drink again, try again. But remember you never have to drink again.